Cancer Chronicles

Despite my good intentions when I started this blog last year, I haven’t done well at posting regularly.  It isn’t that I didn’t want to, but life happened and I didn’t continue what I started.  I have still been learning, but not reflecting on it or writing about it, so the learning hasn't gone as deep or stuck as well.  Apparently, the universe took note and is sending me back to school.    A month ago, I noticed a new growth.   Two weeks ago, we had a biopsy which came back positive. We don’t have a date yet, but there will be surgery sometime this month to remove the rest of the tumor.   On the positive side, this surgery will not be as radical or complicated as the last one.   On the other hand, there is evidence that the cancer has spread to my lymph system. Part of the surgery will be to take lymph nodes from my neck to see if the cancer has spread there.   If the genie is out of the bottle, there will be more treatment.   Par...

Grace holds an important role in religious thought, but you don’t have to be a religious person to appreciate the role of grace in how we interact with each other.  In the scriptures, grace refers to the love God shows for us that we haven’t earned or don’t deserve.  It is the basis for His willingness to suffer with and for us, to help us grow, and to forgive us of sin and stupidity. In every day human life, the degree to which we have learned grace shows up in how we treat others who have wronged us or who we think might not merit being treated well. Like the driver who cuts us off on the freeway.  Or the family member who accuses us falsely, does things that cause us pain, or takes out their frustrations on us unfairly. I found my grace level was not where I wanted it to be during the first few days after my surgery.   As part of my tongue re-construction the surgeons placed a breathing tube in my throat.   ( They did this to prevent me from breathing thr...

Hard things I’ve had to do hard things before cancer, but I haven’t always done them well. Here’s one example. I have a genetic condition called epidermolysis bullosa simplex in which the layers of my skin don’t stick together correctly. Friction or heat often create blisters, especially on my hands and feet.  As a kid, normal activities like walking to school or playing outside could be really painful.  I often did what I wanted to despite the blisters (like a 12-hour dance marathon in high school) but over time I avoided more things that would have painful consequences.  I knew I was missing out but sometimes it was easier and safer to sit on the sidelines.  Unfortunately, that became a part of my life pattern. Shy away from things that might be painful, engage tentatively, do what seems easy and painless. That strategy worked to a point but didn’t provide a lot of traction for creating a meaningful life. And it didn’t prepare me for dealing with hard things I ...

This is a running list of the things I have been learning from my experience with cancer. Some I'll write more about and some I won't .  Some you may want to comment on.   1.      You can wash one hand but you make a mess doing it. (I learned this after having one arm in a brace that I couldn't get wet for three weeks.) 2.      The power of the human body to learn and adapt to change is stunning.   3.      For the most part, people genuinely want to help and bless each other. 4.      The fact that I need something does not create an obligation for anyone else to meet that need. 5.      Gratitude is strong medicine. 6.      The degree to which we have learned grace shows up most clearly when we are not at our best. 7.      Cancer may be limited, but if it hits you better take it seriously. 8.   ...

Why am I doing this? I have to confess this blog wasn’t initially my idea.   It was suggested by several friends, but chiefly inspired by my good friend Kris Kristensen who is fighting a life-changing battle with cancer.   After emergency surgery to remove his left leg and pelvis, and more surgeries due to  infections like  C-diff, he found his life changed dramatically overnight.   He started a blog to keep family and friends updated on his progress and found  that writing was cathartic.   When he and I spoke about my recent experiences he encouraged me to write and to share what I wrote with others.      Despite his encouragement the thought of writing about my experiences was intimidating. Could I put thoughts about my experiences in writing in a way that would express them adequately? Even if I could, why would anyone else find them worth reading?   What could I say that might be helpful or a blessing for someone else? ...